If You Only Knew
by GLaDOS' Creator
Summary: Songfic for Shinedown's 'If You Only Knew'.Listen to song when reading this. Set in Eclipse. Jacob thinks about Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, about the wrong choices he's made in winning her heart and how things should and will be. Nothing AU here.


**This is the song 'If You Only Knew' by Shinedown. I suggest listening to this song while you read this – I heard them sing it live, they're amazing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

_If you only knew_

_I'm hanging by a thread_

_The web I spin for you_

_If you only knew_

_I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you_

It was late, probably past midnight, and maybe nearing one o'clock – but who cares?

I sat on the beach, gazing blankly at the iron grey waves thrashing onto the shore. In reality I wasn't thinking about La Push beach, but about the person that used to spend time with me here. Bella.

My Bella.

Of course she didn't come up here anymore – my fists clenched painfully – she was with the bloodsucker now. A monster.

_I still hold onto the letters you returned  
>I swear I've lived and learned<em>

No. Calm down. This won't help.

I took a few a deep breaths, feeling my anger dissipate like the waves on the pebbled beach. I unclenched my fists and pulled the crunched and torn paper on to my lap reverently. My eyes scanned the text again, not really reading – I already knew it off by heart from the amount of time I'd poured into reading them before.

Just like the other letters I got from her.

As I read, my eyes glimpsed the time on the watch adorning my wrist. 2 a.m.

I stood up reluctantly and stretched. It was time to go home, Dad would be worrying about me again and that wasn't good for his health.

Making my best effort to ignore Sam sitting in the woods and gazing at me intently in his wolf form, I ran back to the familiarity of home.

My feet were silent on the old wooden floor when I entered the house – all the lights were off. I nodded - good - Dad hadn't tried staying up for me.

I cringed when my bedroom door creaked eerily in the soothing silence and stopped, my ears perked for sound of life. I heard none and quickly entered the box room, closing the door gingerly behind me.

_Its 4:03 and I can't sleep  
>Without you next to me <em>

_I toss and turn like the sea  
>If I drown tonight, <em>

_Bring me back to life  
>Breathe your breath in me<br>The only thing that I still believe in is you _

_If you only knew_

Time had trickled by since my time on the beach. I lay in my bed, counting the stars and moons on my ceiling. So far there were 27 stars and 13 moons – the same as there was the last eight times I counted them. Or was it seven times?

My eyes flickered to the clock on my bedside for the millionth time that night – 4:03 am.

I sighed. Great, just a few more hours until I have an excuse to 'wake up'.

What can I do? How can I save my Bella?

_If you only knew  
>How many times I counted<br>All the words that went wrong  
>If you only knew<br>How I refuse to let you go,  
>Even when you're gone<br>I don't regret any days I  
>Spent, nights we shared,<br>Or letters that I sent_

Lying in the darkness, with nothing good going on in your life ain't the best thing to do.

Hindsight is now officially evil in my opinion.

My thoughts drifted through previous memories – both good and bad – pointing out things I should've noticed and could've done.

Asking Bella out on a date when I had a better chance was one. It was top of the list.

Even after that, there was still a chance; though that may have been watered down a bit by my replies to the letters she sent. I could've worded those better – Hindsight strikes again.

Still, the letters showed her my thoughts, and maybe, just maybe, hinted the truth about the leeches and what they really were.

Hinting in a conversation that she was probably committing Necrophilia didn't help at times. Neither did getting angry. Or telling her she was wrong: that's a big one, the wrath of Bella Swan is a thing to both behold and fear. Or saying mean things about her bloodsucker boyfriend – even if they were dead on the truth. Ha, dead, like the leech. Or . . .

_Its 4:03 and I can't sleep  
>Without you next to me <em>

_I toss and turn like the sea  
>If I drown tonight, <em>

_Bring me back to life  
>Breathe your breath in me<br>The only thing that I still believe in is you _

_If you only knew_

4:30 a.m.

At this rate, in the morning I'll have such dark circles under my eyes I could match Edward.

Except I'm much hotter. Literally.

Why can't the world be as it should – no creepy Supernatural stuff where people turn into wolves and where people who were supposed to die a hundred years ago, die?

Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is.

"Screw you world." I whispered sorrowfully.

As soon as the words were out, a plastic yellow star fell of the ceiling and on to my face, bouncing of my nose with sharp edges and clattering to the floor.

Note: Never piss off the fates again, they seem vengeful and cruel.

_If you only knew  
>I still hold onto the letters<br>You returned  
>You help me live and learn<em>

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Bella Swan. Bella Swan.

Stupid clock.

Stupid mind.

No wait, scratch that and bury it deep – the bloodsucker might see it someday and get a cheap laugh out of it.

Because he will see me again.

I rolled onto my side, staring out the small window into complete darkness, almost as if someone had put a blank screen over the window. The patter of the heavy rain on the roof was the only noise to be heard.

No matter what happens, I will fight for my Bella. This thing ain't over yet, and nobody says I fight fair. I need her more than air, more than food, more than anything – I could live and die happily with her beside me.

_Its 4:03 and I can't sleep  
>Without you next to me <em>

_I toss and turn like the sea  
>If I drown tonight, <em>

_Bring me back to life  
>Breathe your breath in me<br>The only thing that I still believe in is you _

_Believe in is you  
>I still believe in you<em>

Damn it, why is getting a girl to leave her boyfriend for you so hard?

Couldn't she make the right choice, we are perfect together and he left her! Bella's smart, can't she see that he could leave her again for another pretty creature that comes walking on by?

And with those strange thoughts, I succumbed to sleep, a land where Bella and I were happy and together.

And Edward Cullen was in his grave, where he should be.

_Oh, if you only knew_


End file.
